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One of the most common question I get from parents is “how do I get my child to play with siblings/peers?” This is a difficult topic because many of our clients have little motivation to engage in play with others, and even if they are motivated they may not have the skills to fully participate. When many clients come to us they only play with certain objects and manipulate them in very specific, and often repetitive, ways. This limits their abilities to branch out into different forms of play. But like any other skill, social play can be taught.
There are 5 main components that make a given activity “play”. Play must be intrinsically motivated, freely chosen, pleasurable, nonliteral, and actively engaging. If your child meets these criteria then your child is playing! Here is where we hit the first roadblock of teaching play. You cannot “force” a child to play. If they don’t want to engage or if they do not enjoy the activity then by definition it is not play. Therefore the first hurdle is to find activities where the child is interested and motivated to participate.
With regards to social play there are 5 categories: solitary play, onlooker play, parallel play, associative play, and cooperative play. When many of our clients come to us they engage mainly in solitary or onlooker play, meaning they play by themselves or watch other children play. In order to expand beyond these play styles, children with ASD often need a bit of a push. The next step would be parallel play. Find a peer with a common interest and have them play in the same environment. Do not try to have them interact with each other yet, this stage will come later. Once your child tolerates playing in parallel, you can push a little harder and have the peers take turns, share, or even communicate about the activity. This is called associative play and can be quite challenging for children with ASD. Once the child is proficient with associative play they may be ready for cooperative play. In cooperative play children engage together to achieve a common goal. This is the most difficult category of play because it requires social communication, awareness, and flexibility, all of which can be a struggle for children with ASD.
The best way for children to learn these skills is by example and practice. Parents and clinicians need to practice these skills with the children so that they can learn how to manipulate toys, interact socially, and ultimately have fun! Keep in mind that fun is the goal of play. If it is not fun then it is not play.
