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Whether at school, in sports, or around the neighborhood, children are bound to have both positive and negative interactions as they branch out socially. 

Finding new friends is a quintessential part of growing up that we all want for our children. Unfortunately, bullying is something that one out of every five students reports dealing with while at school or elsewhere.

These rates tend to increase for children with autism, as some struggle to identify social cues, body language and to verbalize their own feelings. These issues can both make them a target and create specific challenges when dealing with bullying behavior. 

Parents can take a few proactive steps to help prepare and protect their children for such encounters, reducing the negative effects and building confidence along the way. Before or when aggressive bullying behavior becomes apparent, it’s important to ensure children understand the situation so they can react accordingly. The following four tips can help enable them to do just that. 

1) Educate Your Child

On both sides of any bullying issue, the first and best answer is education before it becomes an issue.

Have a talk with your child about what qualifies as bullying, why it’s wrong and hurtful, and what to do should it occur to them or others. By giving your child an overview of the issue before it affects them directly, they can start to understand the situation in a non-emotionally heightened state.

Before going into new social situations like a new school year, sports team, or social club, take the time to establish what to expect and the normal boundaries of play versus bullying behavior. Identify the authority figures who will be present while parents themselves are absent, and let your child know this is who to go to should bullying occur. Having a plan firmly in place can diffuse nerves, and allow children to be more present and ready to engage with others in a healthy manner.

Confidence through education can make a child more resilient, a skill that will serve them well for years to come. Another invaluable tool in the anti-bully arsenal are friendships, which parents of children with autism should promote at every opportunity. 

2 ) Encourage and Embrace Friendships

Strong social networks are essential for people at any stage in life, but particularly so in the early, formative years when children are especially vulnerable emotionally.

Children with autism who establish friendships often receive a boost in confidence, reduce social anxieties, and these relationships help them feel more accepted. All of these qualities are effective in warding off would-be bullies who often harass isolated children, who are seen as easier targets than children in pairs or groups.

Encourage your child to find activities they authentically enjoy, and then join social clubs or find others who do so as well. Fostering relationships with those who have mutual interests invariably leads to friendships, something that can both help children grow and be protected from bullies.

While taking care at school or sports is important, another avenue for bullies now exists through technology that must be addressed by parents as well—the internet.

3) Be Aware of What Goes on Online 

While technology can function as an expansive tool that can connect children with autism to helpful sources of knowledge, equally so technology can be abused as a bridge for bullying.

Cyberbullying has become an all too common means of harassment that can be just as hurtful as in-person interactions. Whether through social media applications, message boards, or even just text messaging, bullies can use these communication tools to attack their targets. Often these areas lie outside of the direct control of authority figures, so it can be difficult for parents to address.

Monitor what applications your child regularly uses, setting reasonable parameters on access in both terms of scope and time spent. More than three hours a day on social media for adolescents has been linked to a negative impact on mental health, so even if there is not a pressing bullying problem, it’s best to set and keep boundaries with online access.

If you start to notice something that seems off with your child, but they haven’t told you directly that they have become the target for bullying, then it might be time to start looking at all the signs and what they might mean.

4) Look for the Signs & Communicate Confidently

Sometimes, children can be hesitant to share their bullying experience with their parents. It’s perfectly normal for them to do so out of fear or embarrassment, but parents should look for signs that their child has become the target of bullying behavior.

Some telltale signs of children becoming a target for bullies are:

• Sudden and drastic change in social circle
• Scattered and difficult sleep
• Increased aversion to attending school
• Physical markings on body and clothing
• Loss of appetite and increased anxiety

Seeing one or two of these signs might just be part of the normal ebb and flow of adolescence. However, if you start to notice multiple warning signs with your child, then it’s best to talk with your child directly to cut to the root of the issue.

Create a safe environment to open up about the experience, and then take the appropriate steps to address the situation wherever it is occurring. Whether it’s in-person or online, assure your child that this is not normal or acceptable. Contact the school, coach, or even parent of the bully to find a resolution that works and lasts.

Teach Kindness to Others and Yourself

Often bullies act the way they do because they were the target of such abuse themselves in the past. While, of course, we want to protect the recipients of bullying behavior outright, it’s important to approach both sides with kindness.

Approaching the issue in this manner tends to lead to more successful results as it targets the underlying cause of the issue rather than the surface-level interaction. As children of all backgrounds learn and grow, successes are found and mistakes are made. 

Learning how to properly identify, address, and react to bullies is something we all must learn at one point or another. While children with autism might face specific challenges when it comes to dealing with bullies, they are perfectly capable of facing the situation with a little preemptive support.

Once bullying is properly addressed, social development can occur in a much healthier environment for all, one that gives children the security and freedom they need to grow.